Two Months

Madison is two months old today. I wish I could say it's gone by quickly, but it really hasn't.

In fact, this has by far been the hardest two months I have ever experienced.

Maddi is still struggling with severe reflux, and is usually uncomfortable and fussy unless she's eating or sleeping. Unfortunately, her discomfort and spitting up often make eating and sleeping difficult for her. It is so hard for us to see her in pain and not know what else we can do to help. We've taken the advice of several doctors, lactation specialists, family and friends; spent hours researching; tried different combinations and doses of medications; drastically changed my diet; tried different methods of feeding/burping; and ultimately spent a whole lot of time crying (both me and her). It's been rough.

But, it's getting better. Very slowly, but it is getting better. I've found that focusing on little successes helps me get through each day and stay positive. Like the fact that Maddi will now sit in her swing or lay on a blanket on the floor for longer than ten minutes at a time (I was getting really good at cooking, cleaning, and eating one handed!). Or how she finally decided baths are calming and soothing rather than screaming through them. Or the glorious four to five hours of sleep I've been consistently getting between 11pm and 4am for the last week. Best of all are the little almost-smiles we get from her--few and far between, and we have to work hard to get them, but they're there!

I really do love being a mom-- as hard as it's been so far, I know it's worth every hour of lost sleep, every tear, every frustrating moment. Sometimes I need to vent (hence the first half of this post), but I need to recognize the good things, too. As soon as my baby smiles at me-- really, really smiles-- I'll forget the first eight weeks of her life were harder than I ever could have imagined. In the meantime, I'll just keep on truckin'.